Ugh. The name change question. Uggghhhh.
Groaning is as far as I've gotten. I've been very productive, as you can see.
Here are some things I will not want to do after the wedding:
- Write thank you notes
- Change my name
- Anything else except loll about in my wedding dress. I think I'm going to just make that my around-the-house outfit. Give us something to chat about when the UPS lady asks me to sign for a package.
Here's my beef: Since Bill is joining my family just as much as I'm joining his, isn't it strange to choose just one of our names? Why don't we both change our names and start a new family legacy?
THE ANSWER IS that Bill is a landowner. He owns a square foot of land in Scotland and I'm worried they might take it away from him if he rejects his family name.* I don't want to seem shallow, but I need this. Marrying into the landed gentry is my only hope of improving my social standing.
Also, the Dalzell family is very into their Scottish heritage. They've charted their ancestry back centuries. Their coat of arms hangs in their dining room.** I was scolded last year for wearing green instead of orange on St. Patrick's Day. Basically, it's a pretty big deal. So fair or not, expected or not, he's keeping his name. Now they're offering me their last name along with all the history (and land!) that goes with it, and I am very grateful.
My family isn't very German. We rarely eat brats and we don't care for kraut. We don't pronounce Muller the German way. I don't own even a speck of Deutschland. But is that any reason to abandon a perfectly fine name I've grown quite attached to over the years? I could just keep it, but if I ever had the opportunity to publish seriously I wouldn't use it anyway, as another Carrie Muller already exists - a Canadian writer who published one children's book about smelly pirates (which, let's be honest, could easily be confused with some of the things I write).
It's not that Bill has a bad last name. This isn't like my high school health teacher, Mrs. Mello, who almost didn't marry her husband because her first name is Marcia. I sort of wouldn't mind introducing myself as C-Dazzle (and this is my husband, B-Money. Charmed, I'm sure). I could wear neon pink lipstick and a visor and make people call me Dizzy.
I know nobody will think that Bill owns me if I take his last name. But still, couverture is the root of the tradition, and it's hard for me to get past as a Feminist Lady. Of course, feminism doesn't dictate that I have to keep my name or hyphenate or think up a new name entirely. Feminism doesn't tell me anything, except that I can do whateva I want with my own name.
I think what really freaks me out is the "Mrs." of it all. The title is the real problem, which can easily be remedied by forcing everyone to address me as "Your Grace" instead, in which case last names wouldn't be an issue at all.
OR I COULD FORGET ABOUT LAST NAMES ENTIRELY AND JUST GO BY A SINGLE NAME. BUT ONE THAT ISN'T VERY COMMON, LIKE...YIPPO.
Now I see why men say, "Mr. Johnson is my father. Please, call me Jim." Or, at least, Jim Johnson says that.
Anyway. All this is to say that I haven't decided what I'm going to do, but I'm sort of pouty that I have to decide.
Glad we made so much progress today.
HEY MARRIED PEOPLE, WHAT DID YOU DO? UNMARRIED PEOPLE, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? YOU CAN COMMENT BELOW AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR JUST REMIND ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH REAL PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD, YOUR CHOICE.
*My friend and her husband boggled their initials together to come up with a new last name. I suggested it to Bill, as our initials to make another Scottish name: MacBad (!). But for some reason he didn't go for it. I don't see why. Billy MacBad sounds like a cowboy. In a kilt.
**It has a naked man on it with the motto "I Dare" (to go bare).
...I added that last part.
Image via Haeck Design.
I remember you said once the perhaps you'd marry a man whose last name was Okie.
ReplyDeleteI'm rooting for a hybrid. Like Dazzler.
ReplyDelete