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| Self-portrait, c. August 2014. |
However, I won't deny that getting married is good motivation to act a little more grown-up and do all the things I keep meaning to, like get in shape and replace my toxic-smelling mascara and buy jeans that don't have an ink stain on the knee. I'm embarking on a new phase of life now; I want to live a long and healthy life with my future husband. Plus, in less than a year I will be on display in front of a hundred friends and family members, some of whom haven't seen me in years. What better time to indulge my vanity and set laughably unrealistic goals for myself?
[Full disclosure: As I type I am eating day-old fried chip-things left over from last night's Chinese takeout. So, good for me! It's an improvement over my usual afternoon snack - clumps of brown sugar!]
So stay tuned for workout routines, beauty tips, and updates on my struggles as I:
- Try to run
- Learn to put on eyeliner
- Refuse to sleep until I find the perfect lipstick
- Confront my demons
- Figure out what a thigh gap is
- Use my thigh gap to measure my worth
- Take up smoking to deal with the stress
- Eat nothing but grapefruit and dry salads for three days
- Walk into Five Guys on the fourth day and say, "Give me all the burgers and fries you have."
- Hide six boxes of donuts in my car
- Start a campaign to officially expand the definition of "vegetable" to include blue cheese
- Sob into a pan of bacon
- Maybe try out Pure Barre?
Here's to being healthy and beautiful, inside and out!
*Compared to a hobbit.
**Really, they say that. Seriously.
Image via Where is Pierre?
