Alternatives to Bouquets

After two hours spent looking at options for flowers last night, I threw up my hands, lolled about on the floor, and shouted, "Can't I just carry a cocktail down the aisle?"

Someone has her priorities in order.

The answer, of course, is that I can. It's my wedding day. If there is ever a time to do whatever I want, it's my wedding day. But I eventually decided it might be a bit much to slink up the aisle with a Manhattan on my arm, so instead, here is a list of Non-Floral Alternatives to Bouquets That Do Not Include Brooches Because Those are Totally Played Out and Also They Look Super Heavy:


1.   Food

I haven't ruled this out for our wedding, which should surprise no one, considering how much I talk about cheese. Food offers so many options - lollipops, bread sticks, fruit-on-a-stick, cotton candy, shish kebabs, shrimp cocktail - but I'm partial to this lovely bacon bouquet, or bouquon, as I've decided to call it. From far away it looks like a normal bouquet of roses, but then the smell hits and suddenly everyone's all pumped about the bouquet toss.


2.   Shotgun

Who says you need an overbearing male relative to hold a shotgun at your wedding? You're a strong, independent woman who can threaten her own man. Don't let anyone tell you differently.


3.   PUPPIES.

 

This one needs no explanation. 

4.   Sledgehammer of Democracy

Picture it: You're sprinting up the aisle, the wind rushing past your 'do and your tiny, orange track shorts. The strength of your moral rectitude courses through your veins as you wield the sledgehammer over your head and then turn once -- twice -- and let it fly! You will be sued by the bridesmaid who catches it,* but throughout the litigation you can be satisfied with the unparalleled drama of your grand entrance.

5.   Mr. Frodo

You can't carry the ring, but you can carry him.




*In the back of the head.


Images: 1/2/3/4/5/6