The Deal with the Aisle

Someone's gonna have to carry a bitch up that aisle.

Bill and I went to a tiny college where every student was required to turn in a senior thesis. I wrote a book; Bill did...something with coins. No one knows exactly what. The point is, every year on the day theses are due there's a big party and all the underclassmen line up and cheer as the seniors parade across campus.

I learned a lot in college, but the main thing I remember is that PARADES ARE THE BEST THING.

I don't know if you've ever been in a parade before.* Specifically, a parade with all your friends on either side clapping and cheering, and you feel proud and happy and overwhelmed by the support and good wishes of the community around you, and your friends lift you in the air with the enthusiasm of their hugs and you're about to leave this part of your life so you feel a little undercurrent of sadness, but that's swept away by intense joy as you realize you will never forget this most incredible moment and probably you should try to start a parade everywhere you go and also you're a little hungry.

It's a lovely idea to transition from one phase of life to the next through an aisle of your loved ones, but I don't think it should be too serious or solemn, even at a wedding. Many people like their ceremonies with a little gravitas, which is fine. I won't judge ya. But sometimes with solemnity comes the terrible urge to laugh, especially if the crowd is so quiet you can hear the photographer snapping away or the ring bearer whispering that he has to tinkle. And then there's that person who blows his nose loudly and startles everyone.

You probably see where this is going. We're going to encourage everyone to stand up and groove a little, Soul Train-style. We're going to play good music and maybe provide some ribbons and tiny flags for people to wave if they want. The groom will parade up the aisle.** The wedding party will parade up the aisle. The bride will parade up the aisle. And when everyone's up at front, the guests can sit back down to whoop and holler and heckle and cry and laugh while we git murried. Or they can just sit there stonily and check their phones, if they hate fun.

If a wedding sets the tone for a marriage, there shouldn't be anything serious about ours. Just family, friends, good food, good music, and laughter.

And surprises. I'm a big fan of surprises. And spontaneity.

I mean, I'm just sayin'. If the opportunity to crowd-surf comes up at my wedding, I'mma take it.


*I don't know your life. Maybe you're in parades every day and this is old news to a professional parader like you, but it's still a big deal to us. Actually I am one up on Bill, because I was briefly in the Return of the Swallows parade in San Juan Capistrano when I was eight. A boy lasso'd me out of the crowd and did rope tricks AROUND ME. I was INSIDE THE LARIAT. Best day of my life.
**And he will try not to lead everyone in the wrong direction, like he did his senior year.


Image via Hello May.