The Dress

I don't wish to alarm you, but I am making my own wedding dress.

I'll just wait here until you recover.

....

Better? Very good. Let's continue by addressing some questions you may have.

Q: Why are you doing this? Don't you know there are stores?
A:  Being a human person, I do know about stores. As for why, I just want to. Ain't no thang.

Q: No, but did you know that there are stores that sell wedding dresses? Already made? 
A:   . . .

Q: As in, like, you don't have to make it yourself. They'll make it for you, and you just have to buy it.
A: Oh, that's what you mean by store!

Q: YES!! Oh, good, you do understand.
A:  Yep, but I'm still making the dress.

Q: Well, I just don't see why. This is the most special dress of your life. Why would you want it to look . . . homemade?
A:  Why wouldn't I? This dress will look exactly the way I want. I have unusual taste and once lamented a sold-out pair of shoes by saying, "Those were the perfect shoes. Every other shoe is ugly." Homemade is the way to go for me.

Q: Is this about money? Because you could probably make a Kickstarter or something if you need money for a real wedding dress. I'll donate. I'll tell my friends to donate, too. You CANNOT wear a dress you made yourself.
A:  It's a little bit about money, but more about my need for control, probably. My dress might look a little bit wonky, but it will be stitched with looove.

Q: But what if it looks hideous?
A:  Then I'll wrap myself in a bed sheet with a toilet paper sash. But that's for me to have stress dreams about. Don't you fret, little one.

Q: You're crazy.
A:  Whatevs, man.




Image via Jenny Trout.