Getting Stuff Done

We're officially past the seven-month mark. It's at the point where we've finished booking our big vendors, figured out most of our ideas, and we're actually starting to do things with our hands, like clicking on songs to make into a playlist, and shopping for antique knick knacks to use as table decorations. With our hands.

The music is my #3 priority, right after getting married and eating tacos. No, wait - it might be above tacos. Just barely. 

Making a wedding playlist is turning out to be much harder than I thought it would be, though. I want to include every song I love, but they aren't all necessarily appropriate for a wedding. I have to rein myself in so that I don't end up the only person on the dance floor, shakin' it to "No Scrubs."

Which would be fine. I require a lot of space to really get down.

Still, I do want other people to dance. With that in mind, I'm doing my very best to craft a playlist that will captivate guests, draw them to the dance floor, and force them to bust all of their moves. It'll be the pied piper of wedding playlists. Some people will say that a playlist needs a few slow jamz, that you should give your guests a break to breathe and drink water, but I think the best playlist challenges dancers. Our wedding will be a grueling test of physical endurance fueled by David Bowie and Wham!

You should probably start training now.

Although it's probably foolish not to include a few duds. If every song's a winner, when do you take a bathroom break?

Right now we have 220 songs - over 12 hours of music. That's just on the "Dancing" playlist. Now I'm faced with the sad task of cutting down our most precious songs. To help with this task, I have developed a set of criteria for choosing which songs make the cut and which get the ax. Because making things needlessly complicated with a list of arbitrary rules is my specialty.

Here's how it goes:

Thank you all for coming, all 220 of you. Before we begin, I'd like to say that you are all great. If you weren't, you wouldn't have made it this far. That being said, we're having a five-hour reception, so we can only feature about a third of you. I'm going to have you come in one at a time and just ask you a few questions to see how well we mesh. If we still have too many songs after the initial interview, we will proceed to a dance-off to determine real-world danceability, emotional response, and ease of singing along. I'm looking at you, Shaggy. Again, thank you all for your participation. Roxanne, why don't we start with you?

1. Can we dance to you? The answer to all of them, so far, has been yes. We can, and do, dance to anything.
2. Can normal people dance to you? No? Please step over here to the cocktail hour playlist.
3. Will our guests be able to sing along to you? I'm not much help at this. I know the words to every oldies song and most other songs, too. I even sing along to songs I've never heard before.* We may need to round up a population sample to test lyric familiarity.
4. Are you played out or have you circled around to retro? Is it a legal requirement to play "Single Ladies" at every wedding?
5. Are we including you out of a sense of obligation? I knew Bill was the one because he agreed that "ABC" by the Jackson 5 is overrated. 
6. Will people enjoy listening to you even when they're not dancing? This is helping to eliminate a lot of pop songs.
7. Are you by Bruce Springsteen? A lot of New Jerseyans will be there. We probably need to include at least one Springsteen song.
8. Are you the Cupid Shuffle or the Cha Cha Slide? Please leave.
9. Do you contain any swear words or inappropriate subject matter? This isn't make-or-break, but if it's a choice between two equally catchy songs, we'll go with the one that won't make my little sister blush. At least before 11. After that, the disco ball switches on and WEDDING AFTER DARK begins.
10. Will we be embarrassed when you come on? Is it socially acceptable to play Taylor Swift in mixed company? 
11. Are you too cheesy? This is such a fine line. Is "Take My Breath Away" an emotional treasure or a gag-fest?! I can't tell anymore. Please help.
12. Does Bill hate you, even though you are obviously a masterpiece of musical creation? Fine. Some people have no taste. I guess I'll just have to play you every morning when Bill wakes up, ABBA's Greatest Hits.
13. Do I hate you, even though Bill says you're "like really good," or whatever? Get outta here, "Double Dutch Bus."
14. Does your sick beat override all other concerns? Well done. You win.

I've had to get tough with these songs. They think they all have what it takes, but not everyone can be a star. Still, it's tearing up my heart. My achy breaky heart. 

"Good bye, old friend," I whisper, the sadness of a thousand ages weighing on me as I click "Delete" on my Spotify. "Please pick up an iTunes gift card on your way out. They'll verify parking at the front desk."



*IT'S A GIFT AND A CURSE!