10 Questions to Ask Your Venue

Throughout the venue search, I've found that many places flaunt a devil-may-care attitude on their websites. Whatever you can dream up, we can do! they claim. You want a fire pit in a tree? You want seventeen Elvis impersonators to bucket-brigade you down the aisle? You want three actual walls in the reception hall and a metaphorical fourth wall? WE CAN DO IT!! FOR YOUR SPECIAL DAY!!!!!

Of course, they only make those claims because people don't really demand such outlandish things.

Enter Carrie.

In preparation for our first venue tours this Saturday, I have compiled a list of requests to see just how far these venues are willing to go to make this the day of my dreams, my one and only most precious wedding day.

1. We want to roast a shark on a spit. Can you make that happen?
2. Can we use live animals as centerpieces?
3. Can we use taxidermied animals as centerpieces?
4. Can we use taxidermied humans as centerpieces?
5. Can we have a taxidermist give a "live" presentation which the guests can then take home as favors?
6. Guests will be arriving by zeppelin. I trust you have your zeppelin docking facilities in working order.
7. In terms of our grand entrance, we were thinking:
   -Busby Berkeley-style rotating staircase
   -At the end of the ceremony, we will be chained together, weighted down, and locked in a tank full of water. This tank will be wheeled to the reception and displayed on the dance floor during cocktail hour (During this time, guests can come up and sign the tank - it doubles as our guest book!). Once everyone is seated for dinner, we will emerge unchained and fully dry in time for the first dance! Amazing!!
   -Maybe like a funny song?
8. Can we get an inverted pachyderm pyramid balanced on top of a regular pyramid made of elephant salt shakers?
9. Do you have any moral objections to dog fights?
10. You have flood insurance, right?

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